Ralph I. Lancaster
May 9, 1930 ~ January 22, 2019
Resided in:
Falmouth, ME
Falmouth - Ralph Ivan Lancaster, Jr.
Ralph died peacefully at home with his loving wife by his side. At his request, we share his obituary.
I died on January 22, 2019.
I was born in Bangor, Maine on May 9, 1930, the first child of Mary Katherine (Kelleher) and Ralph Ivan Lancaster, who had married on November 7, 1929. My mother died giving birth to my still-born brother when I was three. I was raised in Bangor by my great aunt and uncle, Bridget (Kelleher) and Charles Milan. They loved me as if I had been their own child, encouraged, and rejoiced in, my every endeavor.
On August 21, 1954, I married Mary Lou Pooler whom I had met in 1944 and loved from that very first meeting. Mary Lou's support and guidance were crucial in every task I undertook and every challenge I met. She was my compass, my guide, my conscience, my partner and my life-long best friend. Our six children, nine grandchildren and four great-grandchildren were the source of great joy, pride, shared love and happiness throughout our married lives. I was fortunate to be invited to join the law firm that is now called Pierce Atwood where I found a second family and work that I loved for over fifty-five years.
I am survived by my wife, Mary Lou, three daughters, three sons, nine grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren. In birth order: Mary Miller and her husband Gary; Anne Lancaster; Elizabeth Lancaster and Alan Peoples; their children Wyatt and his fiancee Stephanie, Alana, and Emmett; Christopher Lancaster and his children, Christopher and his son Tobias, Stephen and his wife Dominique, Brianne and Katelynn; John Lancaster and his sons Matthew Lancaster, his partner Casey and their son, Noah; Nicholas Lancaster and his wife, Laura and their sons Benjamin and Grayson; Martin Lancaster and his fiancee Megan, and by my special cousin/brother, Charles H. Milan, III.
I loved life and believed that you should live fully in the moment. I believed that laughter is the leaven of life.
I believed that we should all:
Dance as if no one is looking
Sing as if no one is listening
Love as if we've never been hurt.
I truly cared for people..... all people.
And I wrote this obituary without a list of major professional accomplishments in order to emphasize that material matters pale into insignificance when compared to the love of family and friends.
Please do not send flowers or make contributions in my memory. If you want to do something that would please me, take someone(s) you love out to dinner, tell her/him/them you love her/him/them and say the things we unfortunately wish we had said before she/he/they died. Use the word "love" frequently, laugh a lot ..... and enjoy the moment.
I did.
Visiting Hours celebrating Ralph's remarkable life will be held on Friday, February 1 from 3-7PM at the Conroy-Tully Walker Funeral Home, 172 State Street, Portland. A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated on Saturday, February 2 at 10AM at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, 307 Congress Street, Portland. Interment will be private at Pine Grove Cemetery in the spring.
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What an amazing man, a great dad ,husband , grampie and friend. Talented and caring, strong and encouraging with some crazy ties and his big smile. Admired by all he interacted with and loved by so many. Will carry those memories until we meet again. My thoughts and prayers to the family. Love Rosemary
– Rosemary M
The Sisters of Mercy in Portland offer our deepest sympathy to you, Mary Lou and all the family. Ralph was a devoted friend and trusted advisor to our community over the years. He was a confidant to our Sisters who served in leadership. Ralph ‘s wisdom , insight and advice were gifts that are not forgotten. We were privileged to have known him. We will continue to keep you all in our hearts and prayers as you mourn this loss.
– Sr. Mary Morey on behalf of the Sisters of Mercy
A great, humble friend, Lawyer, devoted husband and family man. My sincere condolences to the family. Ron Hart, Falmouth
– Ronald A. Hart
We are so sad to hear of Ralph’s passing, but feel blessed to have known him. Our thoughts and prayers are with those he has left behind. The world is a bit better by having been touched by him. Roger and Cindy Berube (former Village Propane Appliance)
– Roger and Cindy Berube
I wish to extend my deepest and heartfelt sympathy in the passing of your dearly beloved dad, father and friend. Thank you for posting his beautiful obituary. As we get older sometimes we just forget to express those feelings of endearment. May you continue to cherish memories of all those times well spent. Respectfully,
– Ali
Anne and family. So sorry to hear the news of your fathers passing. I always remember how fond you were of your summer hikes. You truly enjoyed spending that time with him May you have peace Jim Ball
– Jim Ball
Dear Mary Lou Mike and I are so sad to hear of Ralph’s passing. He really did enjoy life, smiled and laughed a lot and was also fantastic as a lawyer. We have missed both of you at recent College meetings. We would have come to the service for him but Mike fell about a month ago, landing on the back of his head, some internal bleeding etc and he has been in a rehab hospital for 3 weeks. He is doing quite well, but being in bed for a long time is weakening so he cannot travel yet. We both loved Ralph, he especially as he knew him better. We are glad you have such a big family and support system to help you through what is impossibly difficult. We will never forget your hospitality when Mike was ACTL president. It made a huge difference to us. Lots of love Nan and Mike
– nan rothschild cooper
Dear Mary Lou and family, Your husband /father was “one of a kind” His professional attitude and his kind demeanor were gifts to all of us. He was a priceless gift to the Sisters of Mercy in so many ways. His wise counsel was given unstintingly when we would encounter never before experienced events. Personally, I will miss the exchange of birthday cards. More importantly, I will miss him! Sister Mary George O’Toole
– Sister Mary George O’Toole
Dear Mary Lou: As a former neighbor, I so appreciated the occasions when I spent precious moments with you and Ralph. Just now, I read Ralph’s obituary which he himself wrote. What an eloquent testimony to the dominant role you played in his extraordinary life as it unfolded. He himself realized how central you were to his endeavors. What a blessing to us all! I cherish the memory of our meetings. My gratitude to Ralph and to you. “Love your neighbor!” Sally Merrill
– Sally Merrill
On behalf of the Robinson family I extend my deepest sympathy to you Mary Lou and your family on Ralph’s passing. If my dad were alive, he would say “They don’t make them like Ralph anymore.” He was such a kind, charitable, giving person and he made an impression on everyone. It was all about how he lived his life. Such a loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Maryann Robinson
– Maryann Robinson
So sorry to hear of Ralph’s passing. One of my saddest days. Prayers and hugs to everyone. I was Ralph’s private secretary at Pierce Atwood from 1985 (?) until 1997 when I moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico. In all the years I’ve lived in New Mexico, Ralph and Mary Lou and I stayed in touch through e-mails and phone calls, never forgetting holidays and birthdays. He was the BEST and I always felt so fortunate to be part of his life and Mary Lou’s. I feel his loss terribly. I love you, Mary Lou, and have already gone to your favorite “holy dirt” church here and said prayers for you and Ralph and the family. I hope we talk soon, when you’re ready. Love, Susie (Montgomery) Bousson.
– Susie (Montgomery) Bousson
So sorry to hear of Ralph’s passing. One of my saddest days. Prayers and hugs to everyone. I was Ralph’s private secretary at Pierce Atwood from 1985 (?) until 1997 when I moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico. In all the years I’ve lived in New Mexico, Ralph and Mary Lou and I stayed in touch through e-mails and phone calls, never forgetting holidays and birthdays. He was the BEST and I always felt so fortunate to be part of his life and Mary Lou’s. I feel his loss terribly. I love you, Mary Lou, and have already gone to your favorite “holy dirt” church here and said prayers for you and Ralph and the family. I hope we talk soon, when you’re ready. Love, Susie (Montgomery) Bousson.
– Susie (Montgomery) Bousson
Anne and family:
What a lovely tribute! I’m so sorry for your loss but am glad that you were there to be with your mom and dad this month, Anne. I am thinking of you all as you navigate life without your dad. Peace to his memory.
– Sandy Nelson
Mary Lou, and family. My sincerest condolences to you and your family on the occasions of adapting to life without Ralph’s physical presence. I was very sorry not to have been able to be present at his wake or funeral, but my thoughts and prayers were with you all including Ike (we Bangorians still call him by that name sometimes)those two days. He was always consummate kindness, and I thought it was a very special placement in Sundays paper that the tribute to him was near the wonderful story of the spinning circle of ice in the Westbrook river. They were both amazing natural, unspoiled wonders of God. Cynthia Murray-Beliveau
– Cynthia Murray-Beliveau
No Greater Man walked this earth and No Greater Trial Lawyer entered a Courtroom!
– Norman Reef